Football Matters?

Well, the Omaha World Herald got their scalp. Lee Barfknecht has spent the last 24 hours furiously masturbating in an OWH restroom, while Steve Sipple from the Lincoln Journal Star sobbed uncontrollably at the door to Bo Pelini's office.

I'm ambivalent about Pelini, and thus about his firing. I think he's actually a pretty good guy and, in my inexpert opinion, a pretty good coach, but I don't really care that he's gone. I mean, he didn't win an outright conference title in his ninth season like Saint Tom Holy Christ Almighty Osborne, and he didn't finally win a national title in his 21st season like St. Tom H.C.A. Osborne, but at least Pelini didn't intimidate Kate McEwen and her family and sweetly coddle the guy who assaulted her, and at least he didn't help to hide Riley Washington's gun from the cops. Real Men Don't Use Porn,apparently, but they do drag women down the stairs, slap them around, then star in the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl.

What Pelini did do, alas, was hurt and offend Dirk Chatelain's gold-plated vagina so severely that Dirk cried bitter black and white years all over the newspaper for almost a year afterward. If only Bo had supported the assault and battery of college age women, but did so in a dry, folksy way that amused and simultaneously stroked the tender egos of OWH sportswriters.... Oh well, the only person who really suffers in all of this is Poor Dirk. After all, what is he going to cry about now?

Update: In case you don't know how Chatelain earned the contempt of Bo Pelini (along with that of any actual man who has attached and descended testicles), Chatelain penned a horribly constructed piece of shit hatchet job (which is almost exclusively what Chatelain does) about Taylor Martinez in 2011, then got a touch of the vapors and almost fainted away when Pelini called him on it at a press conference. The rest of the Omaha World Herald sportswriters all boiled out to white knight for Fair Maiden Dirk, and they've all been on the same ovulation cycle since. Those testosterone-devoid Sallys not only think nothing of ripping a 19-year-old ballplayer who played hurt and left it all on the field, they also believe they are Entitled to do so without any response or criticism leveled in their direction.

Fact: Chatelain is a simpering little weasel of a jock sniffer who desperately wants entry into the world of athletic male balls, but then is shocked, (shocked, I tell you!!!) when said balls don't smell like rose petals and Oprah's favorite lowfat lemon bread recipe. I mostly agree with moving on to a new coach, but I hate to see the entitled, whiny little pansies at the OWH get their scalp.

much peace,
tjb